on my mind

hot chocolate, because Bethany said she'd make some

how I'm going to Christmas up this weekend as much as possible

how I must see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2

my poor freezing turtle, and how he won't wear his sweater

the impossible-to-find balance of avoiding office or over-priced coffee by making my own and being able to walk/ride the train with it

how B needs her computer back. Guess that's the end of this one. I was just warming up. What a downer.

I was just in Michigan

I went to Michigan this weekend, and I saw all my family on my Mom's side. My parents were even there. It was so special--that hasn't happened in three years. For a few hours, all 29 of us stood in the same room and held hands to pray before the Sunday meal. Grandma cried, overwhelmed with the blessing, and I teared up, and I bet one or two of my aunts felt a little emotional too. It was such a fulfilling meal. There was meat and cheese and vegetables and soup and bread and chips and nuts and candy and cake, and there was great conversation, connection, hilarity, joy, and complete harmony.

In addition to the beauty and blessing of family, I was immersed in the gorgeousness of fall. Again. I know that I've already gone over fall, how I'm actually loving it this year, but Michigan made me feel like I'm practically missing it here in Chicago. There are so many leaves and colors! I couldn't get enough. It was freezing; it even snowed for about 20 minutes, but I wanted to walk in it and photograph it and jump in it. Perfect. This fall is turning out perfectly.

Season settling

Fall started a few weeks ago, I know, I was there. There were a couple of days, though, that were confusing; slightly, slightly breathing these (empty) promises of more sun, more warmish afternoons to wrap up the spent summer. It is officially over now, and it's certain the chilly breezes are staying.

Most of the time, fall just feels like I'm bracing myself for the forever that is winter. This year, I've really started to appreciate it, seeing more positives where I didn't think to look for them before.

Negative; Positive instead!
Cold wind; Crisp air
Wearing sleeves; Cute Coats
Football; Football naps and snacks
Walking in the freezing; Being serious about Chicago
End of beach weather; Varying my activities
Music seems more depressing; Books become more intriguing
End of fruit seasons; Cooking feels like a good idea ( as does tea, coffee, hot
chocolate, oatmeal, soup)

I think much of this change in perspective (which is truly significant for me) comes from dating a Michigan man. Not sure how, or why--some mix of good memories and happy horizons, old times and new experiences. This may be one of the first years I've realized that settling in (for the winter) will be good and not intolerable.

Self discovery hour has been very fulfilling! Time for a football nap.

The New Job

So, I started my job! It is waking very early, putting on high shoes, walking, riding, waaaaalking, and ascending. From there I'm not really sure yet. Then walking, then riding, then walking. It feels really good to get home and sit on a couch after all the motion.

I get so hungry without a candy bowl at arm's length. Guess I have to bring lunch now, or something.

Bed at nine thirty? Sounds delicious.

I have a job, this is news!

I have accepted a position as an Associate Financial Representative at Northwestern Mutual downtown. It's basically an assistant to two financial services reps helping them manage their clients and work load, and I'm very excited! I will now take the train from my house, walk through downtown in high heels, and ascend to the 46th floor of a fancy fancy tower (I swear you can't feel the elevator move AT ALL), and walk out onto a marble floor below a giant window with an incredible view. Whaaaaat?

So I'll tell you how it goes!

Blogspot suggested I label this post "Scooters." What?

I wonder if everyone else has decided to kiss summer goodbye yet. I have, except for Labor Day weekend, when I will gladly get in the car after work at five on Friday and join the thousands of Chicagoans traversing to Michigan for the real beaches and one last hurrah of grilled meats and margaritas on the rocks.
After that begins the cringing anticipation we all call autumn...Sigh. Cringe.

New things:
Yellow bedroom
Job interview
Sister-Roommate
Actual Chicago address

Though I recently heard my address in Chicago described as "Mexico" (not referring to demographics, just southern locale), I am very proud of that one. I feel like a real person now, sort of. When I start commuting in on the Metra I'll tell you how Fully Real Person feels. Just wish the boyfriend didn't live in "Canada" on the North side (might as well be Michigan when the Cubs play at home).

Might be time for the annual hair chop.

Quickpost

This 100 calorie yogurt tastes exactly like that, and this why fast food and I have become so familiar.

I've been beating myself up lately, thinking, should've gone to nursing school. I'd have a job. Or, should've been an accounting major. I'd have a job. I hit a wall with this yesterday, when I caught myself thinking as I watched a contractor leave our office, I should've been a roofer. I'd have a job.
Pause. Then,
A roofer? Too far. Too far.

Still no job

That's the short of it, in case you'd rather save yourself some time in reading. I have the same job I had, which is entirely serviceable for now and pretty much not what I'm looking for in the future, plus not really able to sustain my future, so we're even.

I do have a house, which is great news. Now I spend all my time thinking about what color walls I should have, what kind of sheets, or whether I will ever wake up by myself in a room by myself. These are fun distractions, but if I don't take care of the colossal distraction hovering above this paragraph, I will 1) constantly owe my sister money and 2) be health insurance-less and 3) never get new sheets.

If I had been a nurse someone would just tell me what to do. I saw an ad for a copywriter in Careerbuilder, and I think I might love to be a copywriter. Maybe. I might not love it, too.
Aren't you supposed to figure out what things you want to do in college? Missed that class.

Jobs blah blah blah jobs. This is all I talk about in real life, too, so you're not missing much if you haven't seen me.

Sidenote/Closer--Summer of Love is going great. I need to take Brian's camera and download all the pictures he didn't put on facebook to reinforce that in my brain. (Note I spelled Brian and brain right on the first try).

I did not spill coffee AT ALL today

That is big news.

I hate signing into things on the interweb, like the bank and Careerbuilder, but I really don't mind signing into this blog, and that's nice. If I did, I'd never be on here and I'd say it all to Brian and randoms that are on Verizon because it's free, and I'd probably lose friends. I love that my blog can't ignore my calls.

Today in my life:
--turned down a beautiful job offer, generous and stable, for gut-instinct and high-hopes reasoning. I feel better. I hope I continue to feel better.
--applied to a branch of Harley-Davidson (awesome).

(Boring for all people to read, don't bother. Unless I require you to read my blog for my own self-esteem [you know who you are]):

I feel for all the peeps looking for jobs. I just have this feeling of constant tension. This buzzy worry feeling? Yes? Like I can't look people in the eye or listen to what they're saying because I can't give them time, I need to go get a job right now. It's horrible. And, I only talk about myself now. That is also horrible. I need to find a balance where I work really hard by myself, but then put it in God's hands so I can give others the time of day and actually think about other things sometimes.
I think I like the visual that I'd be taking it from God's hands, instead of putting it there, but I don't know which metaphor is more appropriate. I still need to haul bootay on this.


Craigslist check of the day. No signing in. Whee! The freedom.

Tonight was the season finale of Top Model, and I'm PUMPED. I SO HOPE it's Anya. And I'm so glad Dominique is gone. Whitney is whatever. ANYA, forever. Oh gosh I hope no one spoils it for me.

Saturday morninging.

This rarely happens, and I super love Saturday morninging. Today I have already put on a shirt AND made coffee. I would really like to dustbust but it's too early for my roommates for me to bring in the noise (fair). I spilled some of my reed diffuser, which was disappointing, but my room smells like fruity heaven right now, so it evens out I guess.

I have a friend who another friend has diagnosed as having Informational Tourette's. I believe 1) I also have it (see above) and
2) That's what blogging and good listeners are for

Was a gorgeous day, but it turned gloomy and cold in the last hour. I hope that was Chicago sucking all the stupid weather from Memphis so the music festival isn't a total downer.

PLAN:
-don two winter coats
-go to Dunkin Donuts
-dustbust Brian's car
-go to school and dustbust my own car
Go team, break!

Got nothing, pretty much.

I had a dream last night that the job I interviewed for all the sudden had a train station right across the street from where it is. It was a great dream, and I believed it for a second when I woke up, then hopes were dashed as I rolled over and smacked my head on the gaint book I fell asleep with, and remembered that nothing's the way you want it all the time.

A good thing to know (and cringe-provoking thing to know, but whatever): if my main mode of transportation for work and seeing Brian is my car, I will need a new one, as well as an adjusted attitude and skills regarding snow driving. Considering a three minute car ride in the snow can put me out of sorts for the day, there isn't a chance in h-e double hockey sticks that I'll survive an extended, winterized, hour-long commute everyday. Not one tiny chance.

Well that's enough business for today.

I ate Mexican food for dinner and it was fabulous.
All I want for tonight is for one of my YouTube heroes to post the eleventh episode of America's Next Top Model before I get home. I don't even want candy or Chinese take out, which has not been true for the past three nights.
It is three minutes later and maybe I do want candy. Hmm.

Peace out, lots on my mind. Whatever, beeotch.

I've been wearing stick-on earrings all day, suckas

Not only that, but I ate a pizza lunchable for dinner. It had two pizzas and one "TREATza" because there was chocolate spready stuff and candy things for one of the..."crusts." It was amazing. I had to walk past the clerk with a crush on me three times to find the lunchables, but it was worth it.

-Closed out my Arizona Chase Account
-Bought a dress for graduation
-Stamped and addressed formal graduation announcements
--and that's all. I'll be compiling a list of things that are moving me toward completion with student life. So far my list is extremely underwhelming, and missing some key elements like "job," "car," and "apartment."

How real are whims? I mean, you're never supposed to act on a whim. But what distinguishes a whim from a gut feeling, besides longevity, and how long is that, officially? Why do we have whims if they don't serve some import to our instincts? Do they exist specifically so that we can learn to resist them in lieu of stronger leanings?
Just wondering.

Summer of Love-and work-but mostly Love

I want candy so much that I just ate eleven mints in a row before realizing that's a waste of resources and not actually eating candy.

About this summer of love though, I really do want to pull it off this year. I want to be active, out-and-about, trying new things, looking hot, and smiling all the time--generally being in love and making fantastic memories. Or just memories that 1) I wouldn't make if I decided to be lazy that day and 2) I will glamourize when I think about them later so they'll seem fantastic.

I think the Summer of Love takes some simple dedication to:
--making something of each Saturday--sunny? good, we're going downtown.
--limiting naps to times when I'm tired. Or napping on the beach.
--turning off daytime tv when there's no baseball
--taking pictures of things besides my friends sitting in bars
--forming actual plans for all the good ideas there are

All of this, of course, revolves around my full-time job I'm totally going to have. Which is fine though. The sun's out like, all night and I have two whole days a week for whatever I want ever. It'll totally happen this year, right?

Being cold all the time: Preventable?

Okay, obviously I can put on a heavier coat. I mean, is there anyway to avoid that instant cold of the AC or cool evening breeze from the window besides putting on a sweater that's so last season (winter) and covering up my planned-to-wow summer ensembles?
Methods to try:
1. Eat a better diet (gets thyroid and circulation to function properly? Read it somewhere.
2. Shower every day. Unclogs pores to allow to breathe, absorb heat (and cold as well, presumably. I heard this one, didn't even read it, so who knows).

Things that are over:
March Madness, fine
Winter (hopefully; don't lie and say that sometimes it snows in the spring, that's still winter)
My desire to wear hot pink ever again--that girl looked 13 because she was
The time that I'm allowed to not know what I'm doing after graduation

Things that are almost over and make me really really uncomfortable:
My on-campus employment, need real job (sounds..not as convenient)
My advertising class, so much work to do
My apartment lease
Being a dependent
The acceptability that I drive the car I do

Exciting things that are starting that I'm not as excited about because of the previous list:
Summer
Summer dresses
Walking around Brian's in a summer dress in the summer
Baseball (=summer)
Summer weekend trip plans
Summer some more

I'm a little past the point of really enjoying myself this semester--real life is too close now. Now that Spring Break! (Flash) is over the only thing to look forward to is...well, that real life I was speaking about. Not too excited.
But it'll be fine, right? Totally right.

I said I'd look for a job after Spring Break

Which is now. Network, upload resumes, search online. Buy a suit.

Also I'm not eating as much candy now. It's to be healthy.

So I'm busy all the sudden..byyyyye!

I have ring pops in my purse, but I'd prefer Jolly Rancher Chews

And, today whilst getting lunch, I filled out a survey that promised free candy on completion, but then the girl at the counter walked away. I'm fairly sure donating my opinion is something I will regret all night. I hope the school uses the money they saved to go toward musical events promotion.

I cannot find my journal. For about two weeks it didn't make me nervous. It does now. Also, my Do Arizona Spring Break 2008! (Flash) List was in there, and my meager reproductions haven't covered half of what the original did. That event commences in four days, and I could not be more excited. As lame as going home for Spring Break! (Flash) sounds, it's not actually when you're from exotic Tucson, Arizona. And when you're parading your lover around all your old hot spots, and going on hikes with your dad who sews his own short shorts, and making a game out of avoiding people you recognize from back in the day in the mall.

SPRING BREAK 2008! (FLASH) GOALS
must be met:
introduce boyfriend to millions of family friends for approval
play with new family dog to pretend like it's my dog, too
hang out with G-ma in Phoenix
buy real tortilla supply for upcoming months

really should be met so as to be having a ball:
go to Spring Training game
go hiking with dad who sews his own short shorts
view breath-taking Arizona views
drive past old Teen-Aged Republicans headquarters
go to Desert Museum (it's a desert museum)
eat eegees as soon as we deplane
obligatorily cross the border and venture into barely Mexico
drive up, marvel at, and take multiple pictures of, mountains
bingo it up with my lucky dobber

in case of not having been met, I will go blind and lose all my teeth:
take last opportunity for healthcare on my parents' insurance

Very exciting. If I found my journal, that middle list would be longer than you could ever imagine. I hope some angsty teen found it and decided that he's not alone after all, and starts being nicer to his mom and sister. Except that it's pretty much just full of lists like those up there.

This cheeseburger is delicious

I really couldn't ask for anything more from it. It is one hundred percent satisfying. I am eating it at a rate that is I think slightly socially unacceptable, especially since my place of consumption is this quiet computer lab filled with diligent art students.
During that last bite, I thought about my cheeseburger, nature can be such a delicious wonder before I realized that cheeseburgers aren't really part of nature. I lied about the art students, I was alone in here, but I put that because I thought it would be less appropriate to devour a cheeseburger in a full lab than an empty one. I think empty is funnier though, so picture me: here in this deserted lab, typing quietly, putting this cheeseburger DOWN. It is very poetic.

I just interacted with a girl wearing a miniskirt. Checking weather...16 degrees. That's pretty intense.

I think I'll start making life decisions after spring break. Like applying for a job, to work for a living. Sounds boring, I know, but it seems to be the trend (or one of two, and compiling more student loans sounds...unwise) so I'm going with it. I want an office job with a social aspect, an organizational and supportive position with daily work and ongoing projects. I want to learn about my office's department, know everything it does and will ever deal with, and eventually rule the thing. Simple. Oh, except I want there to be stilettos.

I am looking through an Urban Outfitters Catalogue

That is a type of direct response advertising, which works to obtain a response purchase, well, directly.
My direct response is first disappointment that I'll never be this cool chic chick. My secondary response is consolation that people don't really look this cool-chic all the time. Whatever. No direct purchase today.
Also, high-waisted shorts are horrible.

I am almost 22, and I want to dress chic-er and cool-er and old-er in a chic and cool way, but it's expensive and seems like a waste when the effort I put in equals skipping showers every other day and throwing on whatever jeans smell the cleanest.

I just found a Pop Tarts tattoo in my purse, and I bet no one else has that right now.