New Year, New Life

Welcome to 2010!

I haven't thought about this new year at all. 2009 was a very consuming year for most of us, I think. The dreaming, looking to the future, the moving forward, on and up, was forgotten a bit. Each month of this year took concentration and determination, and I feel like my thoughts are still screwed into that shape of a concerned forehead and squinting eyes.

I would never deny I've certainly had an easier time than very many this year--I've celebrated life-changing joys (marriage is just wonderful, full time work is almost as good) and had almost nothing to complain about (it turns out). Still, I'm ready to relax my mind eye's furrowed brow.

For 2010, I want to build. Fuller, taller, deeper, longer. To sense more, to discern, to learn, to execute new decisions, to abundantly augment our experience and heighten our impact. After all the consternation of 2009 and the robotic focus it took to grind it out, I'm ready to apply myself in the whole of our own epoch with vitality.

This will take focus and concentration, to be sure, but of a much more fulfilling variety. Welcome 2010!

A Couplet of Office Free Verse

Casual Week at the office.

Jeans at work are marvelous, but
these people's jeans are nicer than my business-professional wardrobe. Chose between pairs with hole-in-knee, hole-in-rear, and fly-that's-broken-and-is-held-together-with-visible-safety-pin. Bingo!


The lesser of two evils.

Shuffle into the office kitchen, hopes
high.
Alas, no tasty morsels left for scavengers. Move on
to the coffee machine. Office coffee or instant coffee?
A great dilemma.

It's the window

I do believe my outlook would change if I had a window with a view. For one thing, I'd be much more prone to go home at the end of a workday. When you see the sun come up, go over, and come down as you work through your day, it certainly starts to feel like the end of the day when it is, indeed, the end of the day.

Something about flourescent lights creates such a dry feeling of status quo and permanence. Something about the out-of-doors creates...not that. You see where I'm going here?

October, nope, November 5, 2009

Gorgeous day in Chicago. Yes--cold, true, but SUN SUN SUN. I think that while in Tucson the sunset on the mountains, or monsoon thunderstorms, or the expanses of poppies in the spring across the desert floor bring us closer to our maker, here in Chicago it's the days when you squint for a second when you walk outside that bring out that unparalleled joy and gratitude. As someone who was entirely spoiled by warm weather and almost invariably clear skies, I will never take these days for granted again. I don't think many things compare to the desperate joy produced by sunshine as we roll into winter, or more so when we crawl out of it into spring.

Sage Advice

About a year and a half ago, and old man with a cane walking out of an Olive Garden after an early bird dinner gave me a piece of solid gold advice I've never forgotten. I've tucked away this nugget for all of these months, and endured a fair amount of scoffing from those who are close to me in order to remain steadfast to carry it out in good time. Tonight was the night, and it was such good advice that I wish I could go find the man and vigorously shake his hand. I'd go to the Olive Garden; I'd search Orland Park metropolitan area if it made any sense at all.

I can't do that. All I can do is pass it on, spread the joy, and encourage the experience like that man did for me. What I'm saying is, see The Bucket List. See it. This time next week you'll be calling, saying, "Where was the Olive Garden where you found that old man? How do I get there from 94?"

How I know my parents are A-Okay

My parents are in the first two years of an empty nest. Since all of us girls are so far away, I worry about them sometimes. I've stopped worrying.

Saturday was my first bridal shower. It was all family, hosted by my dear aunts on my mom's side. It was so touching and fantastic, and there were many moments that made me well up a bit. My mom wasn't there of course, and she was the only missing part.

So she calls on Sunday, and I'm ready to spill about the great family time and to thank her for the tear-jerking toast she had Deborah read. Instead she says, "Okay, well, I just wanted to call and say we're at the Folk Music Fest downtown, and we're listening to a guy sing a song called Guacamole! Ha ha! He's all 'Ay yay yay Gua-ca-mol-ay!' Ha ha! We thought you would like that. Okay bye!"

I did like that, by the way. :)

Video Game Mode

It's been a long time since I spent a Saturday morning watching someone play video games. Probably, mm, three years. In the thick of college. Three years ago though, this was a very familiar situation, so I know how to adapt. This time I have light pouring in the windows, which is a sharp contrast to the dimly lit dorm room or basement, and a full kitchen at my disposal, so I'm not trapped eating last night's 2 AM candy for breakfast (as delicious as that was).

Brian doesn't play video games that much, but it was his birthday this week, and FIFA 2009 was on the list. His video game mode is intriguing; he plays with a concentration unparalleled in his every day activities. In conversation-mid-play, he tilts his head, lifts his chin, turns his shoulders toward you but can keep his eyes trained on the screen, controlling 11 different characters at one time in the 3 square feet of sporting competition. He may nod, laugh, respond to you otherwise, but there is an intangible stream from the TV funneling through his eyes, soaking his brain, draining through his neck and into his arms, translating into nothing but his flying thumbs. And the hat-grabbing after an unbelievable play.

This may sound so very mundane that you quit reading; I apologize. Video games are ultimately boring to me as well. I'm just happy to be at a point in my life where though I'm watching video games on a Saturday morning, I have the freedom to make myself some coffee with cinnamon sugar toast and muse about it. My video game mode is really quite relaxing.

Sweet Summertime

Almost. I'll take springtime though. Today was just gorgeous.
Today brought Arizona to the Sweet Sixteen. Bethany, Brian, and I sported our AZ hoodies for the occasion, and enjoyed perfectly grilled hamburgers, pineapple, strawberries, salad, and roasted potatoes in them. I would've had a great visual to illustrate, with Brian standing over the tiny tiny grill, PBR in hand, but the camera was upstairs, so...so far away.
Kicking off summer was great though, and delicious. Cannot wait for the real thing.

Life Lessons and Attitudes on a Friday

This morning I am in a great mood. That is the attitude part of the post.

I learned a lesson yesterday morning. It had to do with selfishness and pettiness, or, the purging of these close aquaintances of mine. Read on:

This weekend I looked at plane tickets to go to Tucson for my June bridal shower (to quote Anna, "Who's it for?"/ "Anna. It's mine! My bridal shower! I'm getting married!"). I found a great price on a great flight, cleared it with the bosses, and...didn't act on it for three days. Tuesday night I looked, and the hiked price gleamed at me with squinty eyes, har-har-harring...
I was insta-grump, total victim, whiiining and b*tching. My poor fiance and sister tried to help and be logical, but Sarawitch would have NONE OF THAT!
Thursday morning rolls around and dearheart Alli forwards me Southwest's Huge Summer Sale ad, I look, my heart, it Leaps, and behold, my favorite flight is the rock-bottom price of $99, my freshman year regular fare. I teared up a bit.
I mean really, lesson learned. It's a flight, not a roof over my head or food for the week. It's faith that what happens is supposed to, and is a gift. In no way did I lift this insignificant issue up in prayer, or blame myself and concentrate on being smarter next time. I feel like God said, "There. NOW will you trust me?"

So, enough whining. More praying. More consideration. More grace and less grump.

Because Weather Talk is so stimulating

Today Chicago is windy and sunny and about 40 degrees, and sloppy. I wished this. I told everyone at work that I hoped I'd have to muck through gigantic puddles all weekend. It makes me almost as happy as the 50 degree weekend while I was gone for Christmas weekend, which melted about three feet of snow to nothing. Glorious.

I've realized something about myself though, on this introspective Saturday morning, and I'm catalog-ing (sp? yikes.) it under "Growing Up and Changing--It's for Reals:"

I do hate the winter, but I'm doing it this year. Not only doing winter, but walking in it everyday, bundling up against it as my routine. Carrying tissues to take the ice chunks out of my eyelashes when I get to my building. Tucking khakis into black snow boots and wearing hats and scarves with clashing prints.
I credit this to being here 5 winters, yes, and coming around, but I think it fits more into Growing Up and Changing. Because blogging is a perfect forum for airing personal revelations, I can state that this 40 degree morning in Chicago is showing me that I'm more ready for this adulthood than I thought. Even if it means I end up the kind of adult that tucks khakis into snow boots.
This makes me very excited for marriage :)

Love you love you long time

I've gotten engaged since my last post! Very exciting. I also can't believe I've been too busy (or maybe too boring) to write a bit since then.

Stages of engagement, so far:

It breaks: forth, the engagement "yes;" the news, to family and friends; the inhibition, as I tell and hug anyone and everyone

The realization: that I still need to go to work like normal people (WHA??); that I really should talk about it less; that I need to throw...a wedding...

The grunt work: more like hemming and hawing, when I start to regret not planning this since I was five. I turn into a stressball.

Decisions: one thing works out, then two things, then one huge thing, then four purple-colored taffeta things...and I'm SO EXCITED. I cannot wait for the wedding, and the marraige. It's taking forever to get here.